


Be Not Without Hope

by Jadesfire



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-30
Updated: 2010-03-30
Packaged: 2017-10-08 12:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadesfire/pseuds/Jadesfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even Jack can't live without hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Not Without Hope

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to [](http://miss-zedem.livejournal.com/profile)[**miss_zedem**](http://miss-zedem.livejournal.com/) and [](http://fandom-me.livejournal.com/profile)[**fandom_me**](http://fandom-me.livejournal.com/) for prodding and hand-holding, and to an anonymous commenter for pointing out the plot hole (now fixed - hey, if Torchwood can use retcon...)
> 
> Based on Rose's line to Donna: _"That was the Torchwood Team. Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, they gave their lives. And Captain Jack Harkness is transported to the Sontaran homeworld. There's no one left."_. Because like I could leave it there.

  
_"In the hour of adversity be not without hope, For crystal rain falls from black clouds."_  
Nizami Ganjavi

  


He drifts in space for a day before they find him, his blood boiled away and the ice from his last breath still on his lips. He can't feel it, of course, but the tiny part of him that never dies, that is always in search of the spark of new life, watches the blue-green world roll under him, and is satisfied.

The few survivors bring aboard what they think is his corpse for some reason that probably only makes sense to a Sontaran. They certainly don't expect him to take a deep, shuddering breath, rolling onto his side and trying desperately to get enough air into his lungs. He's still seeing black spots when they haul him to his feet and start yelling at him. The sudden movement is too much ; the black spots all merge into one and the world goes mercifully dark.

There is more yelling on the journey to the Sontaran homeworld. They want to know how he and his team got aboard the Sontaran mothership, how they burned away the atmos gas, and how he survived his trip through the vacuum. He doesn't care. As interrogators, the Sontarans aren't exactly subtle, and he finds it easy not to say anything through the beatings.

Although sometimes, he lets himself scream.

The questioning on Sontar is more thought out, more intelligent than the contained fury of the survivors allowed them to be. But they still have no real understanding of how the human mind works, if they think showing him the footage of his team's last minutes is going to sway him. They look as he remembers them, sure and determined and scared to death but carrying on anyway, until the screen goes dark. May the Universe forgive him, he's almost glad to see them, to see the familiar faces in his waking hours and know that they actually existed, that they don't just haunt his dreams. He is even more glad that the camera died before they did.

When the Sontarans discover his non-death by vacuum was not a fluke, it's time for a whole new world of pain. Death is the Sontaran's greatest treasure, their mistress and their soul-mate, and they understand it very, very well. Soon, they understand the myriad ways to kill a human, and Jack lets his mind shut down, almost oblivious to what they do to him now. There is still the moment of blind panic when he awakes from the darkness of death, but he is now used to sinking back into that place where everything else is a long way away.

He survived nearly a hundred and fifty years of waiting for the Doctor who never came, but was out there, somewhere. The beacon of light at his core only finally went out when he received the report from UNIT eighteen months ago. The Doctor will not be coming to save him.

There are times when he wonders if he would have been so reckless with his team's lives if it hadn't been for that shadow across his soul. It is worse torture than anything the Sontarans can do to him.

They run out of ideas and interest eventually, and the new cell is an improvement on the old chains. Jack sleeps a lot, eats when it is provided, and stares at the wall, sunk in his memories. It is only when they drag him out again, thrust a electro-spar into his hands and shove him into an arena surrounded by a baying crowd that he realises they did not lose interest. They were just letting him get his strength back, ready for this.

The Sonatarans worship death, seek it wherever they can. And they have done a lot of conquering in its pursuit. Jack only recognises half of the aliens he's pitted against, but it doesn't matter. He can still fight, still lose himself in this, at least for a short time. And unless he is up against a Sontaran, he lets himself lose. He will not have more deaths on his conscience, making a grim exception for his captors.

He fights and dies, fights and dies, killing a piece of himself every time, losing another part of his soul to the darkness beyond death. He is tired. Each time, he sinks further into the darkness so that he is no longer sure he can find his way back, and is no longer sure that he cares.

He sleeps more now, tired from the slow attrition of his soul, seeking in dreams the release that death cannot grant him. One night, he is stirred by a faint flash of light, swiftly followed by a soothing hand in his hair, another gripping his shoulder.

"Shhhhh, it's alright. It's alright."

The voice is familiar, and he freezes, choking back a cry, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Jack, it's alright."

It is as though the sound of his name releases him, and he turns slowly, not yet trusting himself. Her hair shines in the darkness, and her eyes are wide and dark. For a moment, he is sure that he is dreaming again, he has been here so many times before. Then Rose smiles at him, and he knows she is there.

"Hello," he says, his voice cracking from disuse.

Her smile widens, just a little. "Hello."

"Hello." He turns properly, leaning on his elbow so that he can lift his free hand towards her. Her hair is soft under his fingers, and her cheeks wet with tears. "Rose?"

"Oh, Jack." She is crying now, her hand gripping his shoulder almost painfully tight.

"Hey, hey, it's alright." Swinging his legs round, he sits up, cradles her face in his hands. "I got to see you." He manages to smile without tears. There are none left in him now anyway. "It's the end of the road, and here you are."

Her hands come up to clasp his. "Jack, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," he says again, surprised to find that he means it. It's cold comfort to find that someone will mourn him, but it's comfort nonetheless. "How did you get here?"

"I can't tell you." She moves away, freeing herself from him and wiping her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"I get it." He knows his smile is more brittle now, and he feels the coldness close on his heart again. "And I'm also guessing that there's only one return ticket."

She just nods, and he wants to be angry, that she'd come here, give him the hope he so badly needs, only to take it away again. Instead, there's just a dull ache where the feeling should be. He passed anger long ago, even with Rose. Even with the Doctor.

"I came to tell you," she says, and there's something in her face that's so different from the Rose he knew. Before, she was so full of potential, a brilliant child with so much wonder at the universe. He sees now a maturity that is new, hard and tough and strong, the woman she should always have become, and he is happy for her, as much as he can guess what it has cost. He saw that look on Gwen's face, on Ianto's, of people who are clinging to life only for hope, because that is all they have left. She is still talking, her face serious and intense. "It's not going to make much sense right now, but I promise you it will. All of this is wrong. The Doctor should have stopped it."

"Damn right he should have." The words are out before he realises, and she gives him a sad smile.

"I know. But we're going to put it right. I've been across so many dimensions that I've lost count, and we're going to put it right."

"How?" He holds up a hand when she starts to shake her head. "I know. You can't say. Just tell me this." And this is all he needs to know. "Will the Doctor live?"

The light in her eyes is enough of an answer, even before she says, "Yes. If this works. Yes."

"Good." He catches the brief flicker of her eyes, and gets there before she can. "You have to go."

"I'm sorry. I can't…"

"It's alright." They are reassuring each other like shipwrecked sailors waiting for rescue. Rescue that just might be out there after all. "Go. No. Wait."

He reaches out to her again, takes her face in his hands and kisses her. It is as warm and real and as full of life as their last goodbye kiss, and he feels something in his heart break open. When he lets her go, his face is as wet as hers, and she brushes a tear from his cheek with her thumb.

"I have to go," she whispers, and he nods, closing his eyes because he doesn't want to see. The bed dips as she leans over, pressing a kiss to his forehead, then it lifts again as she walks away. There is the same, brief flash of light, and then only silence. He doesn't open his eyes, just lies back down, as though she had never been there. Such a short time, such a tiny hope, should not be cutting into him like this. But it does, and he curls up on the bunk as the freed waves of grief wash over him. It is the opening of a wound long since scarred over, flooding him with its poison and flowing away with his tears. It is surfacing from drowning, every breath hurting so badly, reminding him that he is alive. It is living again.

The next day, when they come to fetch him for the fight, Captain Jack Harkness is on his feet, ready and waiting for them.

"Hello, boys," he says. And smiles.

* * *

_"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."_  
Erica Jong


End file.
